The Holidays: A Revelation Made – A Raw and Open Dialogue

What a year it has been, literally! This time of year for most folks is a very busy, costly, animated and sometimes inspiring time.  For some it is spiritual, enlightening and deeply emotional.  For others, it is challenging, over-rated and viewed as a marketing ploy by retail establishments.  For me, (despite my name being Christmas) the past several decades of the end of year holiday season has been stressful, overwhelming, at times costly, and tiring to name a few.  I had been living up to the name that most identify with the "Tis the season festivities".  Also, considering my birthday is before Christmas, it made attending and enjoying myself all the more challenging.  This went on for years.  Did I mention my twins celebrate birthdays in December also?  December and the end of year holiday season has been a hectic time of year for me, despite my trying to enjoy it.

Anyway, for everyone around me, sure, they enjoyed the festivities.  I made it a point to ensure that everyone had a great time. My home was welcoming and enjoyable. I cooked delicious meals and made it a point that the kids enjoyed the gift exchange on Christmas day.  But at the same time, I couldn't wait to just get to my bedroom to relax, unwind, close the door and rest with a "Do not Disturb Mommy" sign on the door.  Ok, I didn't put the sign on the door but I wanted too.

Over time, I grew to not enjoy the Christmas holiday season at all.  For me, I saw it as an expectation of lots of work. Work, that I had placed on myself.  The habit I had started with the right intention, soon became the "dreaded event" that I no longer enjoyed or looked forward to.  I was spent literally, tired and emotionally drained. I felt like the whole purpose of the season (from my view of the holiday) was lost.   More importantly, I was somewhere down on the list of priorities regarding my needs and wants.   After all, isn't this time of year about giving?

Finally, I had an epiphany.  This year, I decided to do something different. For the first time in my adult life, I decided to DO ME starting the week before my birthday and also during the Christmas holiday season.  Yes, I know that sounds selfish but you will later understand the point I am making.  This was a HUGE shift from this learned behavior and self-imposed habit of expectation that I had placed on myself.  Considering my upbringing (how we celebrated Christmas) as well as being a parent of children, along with the social pressures, I felt ready for a "behavior modification".   I first decided to celebrate my presence here in this world, on this earth a week prior to my actual birthday.  I began to really reflect on the years leading up to the new birthday, the growth, the challenges and focused on the gratitude of where I was today.  Then I decided to appreciate that and just DO ME in any fashion I felt moved to.  Whether it was to sleep in one day and rest, read a book or DO NOTHING and I really like that DO NOTHING thing.  I decided to tend to me, pace myself, rest and focus on bringing balance back to ME.

This was the most positive and beneficial thing that I could do for myself AND everyone around me.  I began to reconnect with myself and felt fantastic!  My view of the holiday began to change as well.  I was able to stop and really dissect what the holidays mean to me at this time in my life.  It no longer held the same meaning as it once did before. What I discovered is that addressing my needs is what allows me to enjoy everything else in my life in general, whether it is a holiday, special event or the beautiful planet that I live on.

When you slow down (especially at these times), take the time to nurture yourself first, then you are able to give the very best parts of yourself to others.  Most importantly, you get to enjoy the process more fully as well.  Yes, some of us do for others because we love doing so and enjoy making people feel good.  But if you have nothing left to give, then your efforts feel mute to you or you often feel your efforts aren't appreciated as much.  But in essence they are in most cases but YOU are the one who can't seem to enjoy it or see it. That was part of my issue with the perception and way in which I went about the holidays.

Now, the holidays mean so much more to me.  It means, balance and well-being starting with me first.  Because in that order I am able to give my very best and enjoy my very best with those I love and care for.  I see it as a time of giving thanks and a time of renewal.  I see it as addressing the "giving of my needs first in order to address the needs of others more effectively". 

Funny thing is about all of this revelation for me is that my kids were always a step ahead.  This year as in previous, they would say Mom, I don't really want much for Christmas but if I could have something, this is what I would like and its under $40.  Looking back, they have always been cost conscious without me saying anything.  And they have always been the ones who never made it a big deal about the holidays.  It was always me doing that to myself. 

It took a minute for me to get it that I was making myself stressed about the holidays.  And even now, many of you reading this may be doing the same thing to yourselves in your own unique fashion.  So I encourage you to slow down and focus on what matters most, with your needs being at the top of the list.  We all have to take care of Self in order to have something to give to others. 

I've learned this lesson a bit late but better late than never.  Perhaps it may help someone else avoid making the same mistake.  Whatever you do, make sure you take care of you so that you can really enjoy everything else around you. These are the things I am focusing on and sharing with my children going forward and they are truly... just fine with it.

Happy Holidays from My Family to Yours!